|
|
Preached by Dr. Vander Warner, Jr.
at Poplar Springs in Dublin, GA.
March 2005
I Thou shalt always be courteous to thy wife. (1pet 3:8)
Courtesy is love in little things
Pass her the salt first….(The president’s wife who said, “He tells me he loves me often, but I need the salt three times a day.)
Open the door sometimes, esp. when others are looking.
II Thou shalt not provoke thy children to wrath. (Col.3:21)
(LB) “Father’s don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying.”
A child develops its sense of worth from what it sees in the eyes of others.
1. A regular barrage of anger will “discourage” them.
2. Rather nurture (i.e. take them through the process in reverence and admonition (word) of the Lord.
3. Don’t do a “cop out” on a Father’s responsibilities.
Not impetuous, erratic reaction to their behavior.
Take the initiative. Be consistent (This is the most important component in discipline) – say “yes” and “no” – definitely, clearly, finally – in love.
*Gary Collins, professor of psychology, and author of a book on counseling said, “No child becomes homosexual if there has been a warm emotional relationship with the father.” p.328
III Thou shalt love the wife the Lord thy God giveth thee... (Ep. 5:25)
1. In ways and words she understands. (The man who announced to his wife, “I bought us a helicopter today!)
2. “As Jesus loved”...served, ministered to, fed, led, healed and loved in unmistakable ways.
3. Always remember the answer to the question, “Do you love me?” is always “Yes.”
IV Thou shalt have no other woman before thee to gaze upon, fantasize upon or prefer.
God said, “Don’t covet another man’s wife or maid…”
Jesus said “If you look with lust it’s sin.”
Point: Leave no question in her mind about the exclusivity of your relationship.
**Counseling couple….With tears in her eyes the wife said, “He never tells me I look good.”
V Thou shalt render leadership I all things to thy wife such as she is commanded to follow.
(Eph. 5:23) "for the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the body.”
1. Leadership is the service of a servant. That is why we call political leaders “public servants.”
Leadership is required in every group any size.
2. Leadership is not synonymous with dictatorship.
*The kind of leadership we are to give is the kind Jesus gave the church. And Jesus never stuffed anything down anybody’s throat.
In Husbands Please Lead Us, Thea Van Halsema writes, “The man who barks orders and reminds his wife to submit and refuses to change a diaper is usually trying to prove to himself that he is someone whom he fears he is not.”
Submission and servant hood are the Christlike stance of all Christians.
The instruction to husbands in Ephesians does not say, “Husbands subdue your wives.” Rather it counsels, “Husbands love your wives.”
*To avoid dictatorship, there must always be a balance between love and leadership.
*And Sir, if you love your wife, more than you love yourself – THEN – the question about the direction you are asking her to receive is this:
“Is this where God is leading me?”
VI Thou shalt continue to court thy wife even unto old age.
1Pet.3:7 “Live with them according to knowledge…”
“According” is Kata meaning “under” or “to be dominated by”
SO: our living with our wives ought to be based on and governed by
a real understanding of her as a person.
Do you know?
1. What pleases her
2. “Bugs” her
3. What gives her a sense of greater self worth?
A lovely and queenly woman said, in a discussion of sexual intimacy and its importance in marriage, “It puts a spring in your step.”
“Marriage presents the opportunity for uninterrupted courting.”
Courting is that period we go through trying to convince her we are worth having.
So look good, smell good….etc.
Place for the 11th Commandment
“Thou shalt give attention to the etceteras of life.” i.e., brush your teeth etc. or thou shalt not eat onions or garlic if thou desirest a good night kiss.”
VII Thou shalt honor and respect the wife the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Let me read 1Pet 3:7 in LL “You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God’s blessings, and if you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not get ready answers.”
My brothers, Almighty God takes notice of how we treat our wives. Can you believe that the way we treat our wives has a direct bearing on whether God answers our prayers?
One of my staff members bringing us a devotional on this Scripture said something like this; “You know it’s shocking to realize that my spiritual growth can be hindered by mistreating my wife!”
VIII Thou shalt seek to increase thy wife’s self esteem.
(Dt 24:5) “When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife whom he hath taken!”
1. We can’t take a year off from work BUT we can take a year off from SELF!
2. So cheer her up – don’t cut her down. Build her up.
*Zig Ziegler said, “Treat her more like a race horse….and maybe she won’t such an old nag!
3. Watch your words about things important to her.
E.g., her cooking….her hair...
IX Thou shalt always be the one to initiate peacemaking.
1Pet 3:11 “Seek peace, pursue it….” God wants us to live at peace with all around us and have peace within.
You want to stay friends as long as you can.
“Anger does not have to destroy a marriage. As we encounter anger, we have a choice. Our choice is between the way of bitterness – which cancels out intimacy and leaves us isolated and alone; and the way of forgiveness – which opens the door to intimacy and love.” (David Stoop in Refresh Your Marriage With Self Talk)
“The course of marriage is determined by our thoughts! The reason is that words have power, whether expressed through our mouths or only in the privacy of our mind.” (Ibid)
The springs of the thoughts of our mind should come from a heart filled with God given thoughts –a heart of gratitude and phileo, i.e. “brotherly love.”
Don’t let disharmony go untended…..even tho it be only between you and the Lord. (Unilateral peace keeping is sometimes the best)
Jesus is called “the prince of peace.” And I believe we are never more like Him than when we are trying to make peace……esp... at home!
Anger tears up everything! An anger filled home is a Spirit grieved, Satan dominated home.
X Thou shalt look upon thy wife and enjoy her as a gift from God.
(Ecc. 9:9b) “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest which He hath given thee.”
1. She is a gift: you don’t deserve her. My friend Dr. Bates said to me, “We both married way above our heads.”
She is not your chattel property - she’s yours, yes but only because you are her’s.
Recognize whose she really is – and where she came from. The question then becomes: “How do I handle what God has given?”
nourish her (provide for her needs) cherish her (treasure her very highly.)
Conclusion: Well, you can’t remember all these things. You can’t do all these things unless standing at the control center of your life is the Lord Jesus.
The first place to begin being right, staying right with your wife is being right with God. FOR FLOWING THROUGH YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD ARE THE RESOURCES FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT HOME.
Men, does your wife have a husband who has made Jesus the Lord of his life?
